Worrying....as usual

So I've bee worrying about a lot lately. Its nothing new. Like I've mentioned before I'm a HUGE worry wart and I have such a bad case of paranoia. Well anyway, I've been worrying about a bunch of things. Like my weight, and how I'm not fully satisfied with my body and it all feels so hopeless. I know, I know, my body isnt that bad, and I should feel confident, but.. the truth is, as a teenage girl, whose been single forever, and I really do mean forever, its NOT that simple.. Then there is the whole friends thing, that I've been ranting about on and on, to no end, and I shouldn't really care anymore, but.. I'm just so afraid that I'm never going to find a steady dependable loving group of people I can call my friends, because I keep losing them. Then there is college. OH BOY college, I've applied to a certain college, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna go to it, I'm not saying any names because I don't want to jinx it, but I wont get a letter until I take my SATs, which is May2nd and June6, depending on how well I do in May determines if I want to take them again to get the best of both scores, the college told me they received my letter and are waiting for the SATs, so I gotta wait. And waiting is sooo hard for me. I'm an EXTREMELY impatient person. And waiting makes me think, and thinking Tatlyn isn't a good healthy Tatlyn, she's insane over-paranoid, over-sensitive, over-emotional Tatlyn. Not fun to be around when the talk of college starts. So this scares me, like all the what ifs. I mean I know you gotta go into this kinda thing head on with a good attitude, and I was a bit weary of it at first, but once I handed in my paper, I had a great feeling, a feeling of pride, like I was going to get accepted, that THIS was my time... Well now, now I'm not so sure. Don't get me wrong, average student, could have been great but I messed that up in 9th grade, and if I study for the SATs, I shouldn't have a problem. But the waiting is stressing me out and eating me alive. Then there is how others view me, especially for me taking off a year and for me being unemployed. But folks, incase no one has noticed, the economy is kinda in the toilet right now, so jobs are rare to get. :) Then.. there is writing these blogs. I've found out I offend a lot of people through my blog-rants. I really don't mean to, they are never just about one person, they are about my life and everyone in it. Writings these blogs are the only way I can truley express myself properly. I never am 100% sure about posting anything because of how people respond to it, but I realized every great writer has their critics, so I gotta face them. Who cares? Right? Anyway, yeah these are all the things that eat away at me every day. Ahaha.

The start of a new beginning..

Okay so I decided to create a blogger beings I know a few people who own accounts on here. I also created one ebcause it seemed easier to update them myspace blogging and a lot easier to handle than LiveJournal. I plan to use this blog to lash out, vent, and release whatever is on my mind as I am writing. Its also going to be a update on my life, I'm going to try and post as often as possible. Blogging is still a bit new to me, I only do it when I feel I'm going to explode from bubbling things up too long. Alllriiiighhhtty. So now I need to find all my friends blogs, figure out how to handle everything on here, update my profile, and link this to myspace and facebook eventually. So to get things off to a start I am going to quickly describe myself, and post this before I begin to ramble more then I already have. My name is Tatlyn, I'm 18, soon to be 19 in May. I have the greatest family in the world and the best of friends I wouldn't be able to live without. I live to laugh, its my favorite past time, I couldn't go a day without doing it atleast once. I'm a MAJOR worry wart and I stress out so easily, due to my chronic paranoia. I'm labeled as bubbley, quirky, amayzing and fun. I dream too big and wish too much, making others label me as flighty, but I really am not. I have a bit of odd quirks and obessions that no one would really understand. I LOVE spring-time, its when you'll find me the happiest, that and when it rains. Something about it is soothing to me, especially when its pouring and thundering, it puts me to sleep. I perform with Philadelphia's Rocky Horror Shadow Cast, The Transylvania Nipple Production! I love participating in it, its so much fun! I hate liars, phonies, hypocrits, and unoriginality. I'm easy to get a long with and I love to write and be creative. So now that, that is out of the way we can get on to posting this as my first of many 'blogs'. As I said before I'm going to try my hardest to stick with this, especially since its a lot easier to vent on here then myspace because this is an actual BLOG site. :) Okay..TTFN